im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
