So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
