well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
