So drunk its hurt
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
