If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize