Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As shirtless as possible
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
