a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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