I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
