i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
