yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
As shirtless as possible
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
