I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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