saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
