How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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