spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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