I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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