Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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