someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize