Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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