dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
