tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
