So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
