This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
