The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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