my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
