i already hear my dad disowning me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You made out with two different species that night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
