Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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