Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What changed your mind?
Being sober
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
