so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
