they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
