no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
