My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
