I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
