I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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