At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize