u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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