I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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