I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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