so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
