Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
