Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
