Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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