woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
