My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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