Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
