I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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