I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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