Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
