so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize