do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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