sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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