Just cropdusted the office
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
