My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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