Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
