i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
