I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
