My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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