Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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