Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
