I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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