I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
