just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
