me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
