Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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