Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
