so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
