My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
