best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
