Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
