just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
