everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
