I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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