so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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