I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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